Daily Bread

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We are in the midst of selling our house, purging our things and preparing for a cross-country move. Questions surround me everywhere.

Where will we live?

When will our house sell? When should Maya and I make it out to be with David?

Should we get rid of our furniture or keep it?

How big/small will our new place be?

Where will we go to church?

Will we meet new friends? Will we ever meet as good of friends as we have here?!

Is the house priced to sell well?

How will we fit in on the east coast?

I ask God daily all sorts of questions, mostly around the sale of our home. He is so faithful, yet He requires my faith to grow by giving me just enough—just what I need for that specific day and not the entire plan all at once. I’m reminded of the Israelites as they wandered in the desert for 40 years, living on manna alone. He gave them exactly what they needed, and those who didn’t trust Him for tomorrow had smelly, rotten manna on their hands as a result.

“Moses said to them, “It is the bread the Lord has given you to eat. ¹⁶ This is what the Lord has commanded: ‘Everyone is to gather as much as they need. Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.’”

¹⁷ The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. ¹⁸ And when they measured it by the omer, the one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little. Everyone had gathered just as much as they needed.

¹⁹ Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

²⁰ However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.” (Exodus 16:15-20)

And so God continues to give me my daily bread as well. If I try to hoard and make plans for the future right now, the smell and maggots turn up their ugly heads and I’m reminded He’s given me what I need for today—and He’ll take care of tomorrow too.

Right before David flew out to interview for this position in New York, we talked about our house because it would be the biggest hurdle to a move like this. “If God wants us on the east coast, He can work out the details of selling our home.” I had said those words believing their truth, but not realizing how soon I would need to put my money where my mouth is and trust that! In all honesty it is hard to trust that He will do this for our family. I often believe that the Lord can and will do big things, but rarely internalize that He can and will do big things for me. Have you ever had similar thought patterns? I know I serve an amazing God and I need believe that He can be amazing for me, too.

I don’t know how our house will end up selling. It may not be this jaw-dropping story or anything, but I do know it will be in His timing and for His purpose. And through every step of the way, he’ll give me my daily bread.

Thanks for reading and sharing this journey with me! May you be blessed today by the daily bread you receive. :)

 

Hard Good-Byes

Saying good-bye is so. Hard.

I remember sitting in my dorm room freshman year, reading a letter my mom gave to me as she left with the rest of my family after dropping me off at Washington State University.  My roommate hadn’t arrived yet, so I had the room to myself.  As I opened the letter, the first words made me sob.

“Today is the first of a lifetime of good-byes.”  Thankful that my roommate wasn’t there to see me, I bawled like a baby.  I missed my mom already.

Of course her letter continued on to encourage me to embrace the new friends, experiences and education I’d receive.  She noted that a good-bye is always accompanied by an introduction to something new, and reminded me how I loved a good challenge.  She iterated her love, pride and hope for my new adventure ahead.  But those first words have never left me, because they are so true.

Last weekend, David's coworkers threw him a going away party.  It was all I could do to fight back tears as their cards were read.  The following day our community group from church made a pumpkin "We'll Miss You" dessert and prayed over us as group came to a close.  It's so hard to say good-bye. So, so hard...  And I'm not even gone yet!

A lifetime of good-byes...

Now, as David, Maya and I face another good-bye to our dear friends here in Portland, my emotions are all too familiar.  Excitement is filled with anxious hope.  I’m nervous yet expectant—joyful yet sad.  And thankful… I’m so thankful for these past four years.  We have ‘grown up’ during our time in Portland and learned so much.

In a couple months we’ll be on the east coast, out of our nicely sized home and into a tiny little apartment all cozied up to each other and far away from the rain into the snow.  We’ll be a short train ride away from New York City but 3000 miles from our friends here and family in California.  It’s crazy how in a blink of an eye, your life can change.

We’re going to miss our Portland family so much, but are excited and hopeful for the new adventure ahead.  David leaves Sunday and begins his new job next week!  Your prayers for our transition are welcomed and coveted!

New York New Jersey

 

And just like that…  We’re off again!

Two weeks ago, David was on a plane to the New York region for an interview.  We were excited at the possibility of a promotion and a new adventure, but realistic at the fact that there were four other guys interviewing and the New York region was far, far, far away.  We didn’t think too long about it.  It’s always good experience to interview, right?

We prayed.  We prayed hard, knowing that a transition like this is life changing.  Selling a home, finding a new home, leaving our church, our friends, our life/community group, raising our daughter…  The list goes on and on.  I prayed and prayed the Lord would shut it down quickly if this opportunity were not from Him.  I prayed the decision makers in New York would make the right decision for their region.  I also prayed that if this was where God was leading us that it would be obvious to the region and us and there would be no confusion.

The day of David’s interview came and as we Face-Timed on the phone that night, I learned he had eight interviews with the NY management.  I was encouraged by the sincerity the region was taking by having that many people take time out of their day to meet with the candidates.  I was hopeful that if this was not the right fit, surely eight people would see that… And vice versa.

David flew directly from the interview to San Antonio Texas (the life of a Field Traveler… Always on the run!) for another work event, so I assumed it would be towards the end of the week before he heard anything.  I continued to pray.  I halfway expected him to call and tell me he didn’t get it, but then I also expected him to say that he was chosen and we were moving.  Needless to say I just didn’t know what to expect!

That Thursday morning, while sitting at my desk at work evaluating survey questions and media placements, David called and told me he got the job.  “Oh my gosh,” I responded.  “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you!  Oh. My. Gosh.”

Since then it’s been a series of unknowns as we work out the details of moving cross-country.  I’ve always known this was the life of a field traveler’s wife…  But it all happened so fast!  I’m still agape as I think about it all.

Next week David begins our east coast adventure while I close out things here in Portland.  He’ll be working in the New York region with the same automotive company, but the office is technically in New Jersey.  We’re still uncertain where we’ll be living, but we’re pretty certain it will be on the Jersey side.  David will be working with dealers in New York state.

Thanks for taking this journey with me!  I covet your prayers as we make this transition as a new family and embark on an adventure to the east coast.

Maya

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I couldn't write about it.

Hardly could talk about it.

Couldn't even say it.

About eight months ago I found out that I'm pregnant.

I felt like I had this enormous secret, and usually secrets are shameful or bad.  This secret was totally the opposite, but it wasn't a planned secret like a surprise birthday party or something.   I was completely, utterly, entirely shocked and surprised when those two little lines appeared.  Flutters of emotions filled me.  Obviously shock was one of them... Then fear and uncertainty followed by excitement and joy.  We were having a baby!  Oh my goodness!  Isn't this what I've always dreamed about?  Yes.  Then why can't I talk about it?  Why can't I even say the word?

My mail order birth control that had steadily come every three months for three years had abruptly stopped, even after I'd just renewed it.  Since I was coming off an 11 day business trip followed by my brother's wedding in California, I was irresponsible and neglected to call to see what was going on until we got back from our trip.  I thought it wouldn't matter since my husband was a field traveler and with all our combined travel, there really wasn't much time for stuff to happen...  Wrong.

"I don't think you're pregnant," David said as he stood in the bathroom looking at the test for me (because I was too in shock to even look at it).  "The plus sign is very faint."

The "plus" sign?!

I went back to the store and bought three more tests.  Tests with lines this time.  Each one confirmed two lines.  Pregnant.  And I couldn't even say the word.

It wasn't because I was upset.  It wasn't because I was unhappy.  I truly just did not know why this happened-- right now.  Yes, I knew HOW it happened :) but the why I was still uncertain of.  All our friends and family knew we were not in the baby ready phase.  Sure, if David had approached me with an earnest desire to start a family I would have jumped at the thought and obliged happily...  However, this wasn't the case.  We had a plan, a schedule-- a direction we were moving in.  A baby was not in those plans for at least another year.  I felt like I was sitting on a huge secret and I couldn't begin to talk about it, let alone blog about it.  What would I say?  Thoughts of working vs. staying at home, our plans of a spring trip to Europe, our five year anniversary (it's in our VOWS we would wait five years!!!) and our happy-as-it-is-right-now marriage flooded my heart and mind.  When you talk about having a baby, aren't you supposed to be crazy happy, excited, planning the nursery, picking out names and filling a registry?  I already felt like a bad mother since I could hardly whisper the words...  I'm pregnant.  We're going to have a baby.

David and I decided to wait to tell friends and my work until after the three month mark.  This also would allow us some time to think about what we wanted to do when it came to my job.   We called our parents and siblings and of course I told Krista and a few other people ahead of time.  Everyone was thrilled for us.  It made it easier to feel like it was real talking about it with the people close to us.  Our secret began feeling more and more like a treasure even though I didn't feel any different (thankfully!) and didn't look any different either.

It was just before our four-year anniversary trip to the Grand Canyon when the three month mark hit.  I was nervous to tell my boss since I was so uncertain about what I wanted to do with work once the baby arrived. Being the first woman to go through this in our company, I didn't have any previous steps to follow, but they were so gracious towards me when they heard the news.  I was told to just wait and think about it, they didn't need to know what my post-baby work plans were immediately.  Thank you whispered from my heart to heaven as I remembered everything is safe.

Every morning as my belly grew I lifted the little gift growing inside of me up to Him.  Suddenly I found myself surprised not because I was carrying this precious little one but because of how much I loved this baby.  My heart was already so full with having an amazing husband, family, friends and church... But somehow God had opened my heart to make room for this humongous growing love for someone I hadn't even met yet.  Still haven't met, actually.  6 more weeks :).  It still amazes me how quickly this secret-turned-treasure-turned-LOVE has manifested. 

I tell this story cautiously, because I never want my little girl to look back and wonder if I wanted her.  I've always wanted her, even from when I was 5 years old playing with my dolls.  I just had no idea God wanted her to come now.  It's also why I've taken a break from blogging...  I couldn't write without talking about how my heart feels about this gift I've been given and the emotions I've had along the way. 

Some things are just in His timing always.  I had called the birth control company right when we got home from California, and a day after I found out I was pregnant, the missing birth control showed up in the mail.  A week later, I received a letter from the birth control company advising the pills they had been sending were in the wrong order... And I may be pregnant.  I laughed and thought, I definitely am and wow, it probably would have happened anyway!  God wants this little girl here right now... And so do I.

We can't wait to meet you Maya.  We are filled with joy just at the thought.