Daily Bread (again)

                                             

I had a couple people tell me they couldn't view this post...  So here it is, again!  I originally wrote this back in October, 2012 when we found out David received a job promotion and we'd be moving across the country to New Jersey.  Tomorrow, I'll finish the story and tell you how it all came together...

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We are in the midst of selling our house, purging our things and preparing for a cross-country move.Questions surround me everywhere.

Where will we live?

When will our house sell? When should Maya and I make it out to be with David?

Should we get rid of our furniture or keep it?

How big/small will our new place be?

Where will we go to church?

Will we meet new friends? Will we ever meet as good of friends as we have here?!

Is the house priced to sell well?

How will we fit in on the east coast?

I ask God daily all sorts of questions, mostly around the sale of our home. He is so faithful, yet He requires my faith to grow by giving me just enough—just what I need for that specific day and not the entire plan all at once. I’m reminded of the Israelites as they wandered in the desert for 40 years, living on manna alone. He gave them exactly what they needed, and those who didn’t trust Him for tomorrow had smelly, rotten manna on their hands as a result.

“Moses said to them, “It is the bread the Lord has given you to eat. ¹⁶ This is what the Lord has commanded: ‘Everyone is to gather as much as they need. Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.’”

¹⁷ The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. ¹⁸ And when they measured it by the omer, the one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little. Everyone had gathered just as much as they needed.

¹⁹ Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

²⁰ However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.” (Exodus 16:15-20)

And so God continues to give me my daily bread as well. If I try to hoard and make plans for the future right now, the smell and maggots turn up their ugly heads and I’m reminded He’s given me what I need for today—and He’ll take care of tomorrow too.

Right before David flew out to interview for this position in New York, we talked about our house because it would be the biggest hurdle to a move like this. “If God wants us on the east coast, He can work out the details of selling our home.” I had said those words believing their truth, but not realizing how soon I would need to put my money where my mouth is and trust that! In all honesty it is hard to trust that He will do this for our family. I often believe that the Lord can and will do big things, but rarely internalize that He can and will do big things for me. Have you ever had similar thought patterns? I know I serve an amazing God and I need believe that He can be amazing for me, too.

I don’t know how our house will end up selling. It may not be this jaw-dropping story or anything, but I do know it will be in His timing and for His purpose. And through every step of the way, he’ll give me my daily bread.

Thanks for reading and sharing this journey with me! May you be blessed today by the daily bread you receive. :)

Daily Bread

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We are in the midst of selling our house, purging our things and preparing for a cross-country move. Questions surround me everywhere.

Where will we live?

When will our house sell? When should Maya and I make it out to be with David?

Should we get rid of our furniture or keep it?

How big/small will our new place be?

Where will we go to church?

Will we meet new friends? Will we ever meet as good of friends as we have here?!

Is the house priced to sell well?

How will we fit in on the east coast?

I ask God daily all sorts of questions, mostly around the sale of our home. He is so faithful, yet He requires my faith to grow by giving me just enough—just what I need for that specific day and not the entire plan all at once. I’m reminded of the Israelites as they wandered in the desert for 40 years, living on manna alone. He gave them exactly what they needed, and those who didn’t trust Him for tomorrow had smelly, rotten manna on their hands as a result.

“Moses said to them, “It is the bread the Lord has given you to eat. ¹⁶ This is what the Lord has commanded: ‘Everyone is to gather as much as they need. Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.’”

¹⁷ The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. ¹⁸ And when they measured it by the omer, the one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little. Everyone had gathered just as much as they needed.

¹⁹ Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

²⁰ However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.” (Exodus 16:15-20)

And so God continues to give me my daily bread as well. If I try to hoard and make plans for the future right now, the smell and maggots turn up their ugly heads and I’m reminded He’s given me what I need for today—and He’ll take care of tomorrow too.

Right before David flew out to interview for this position in New York, we talked about our house because it would be the biggest hurdle to a move like this. “If God wants us on the east coast, He can work out the details of selling our home.” I had said those words believing their truth, but not realizing how soon I would need to put my money where my mouth is and trust that! In all honesty it is hard to trust that He will do this for our family. I often believe that the Lord can and will do big things, but rarely internalize that He can and will do big things for me. Have you ever had similar thought patterns? I know I serve an amazing God and I need believe that He can be amazing for me, too.

I don’t know how our house will end up selling. It may not be this jaw-dropping story or anything, but I do know it will be in His timing and for His purpose. And through every step of the way, he’ll give me my daily bread.

Thanks for reading and sharing this journey with me! May you be blessed today by the daily bread you receive. :)

 

Maya

Image Source via Pinterest

I couldn't write about it.

Hardly could talk about it.

Couldn't even say it.

About eight months ago I found out that I'm pregnant.

I felt like I had this enormous secret, and usually secrets are shameful or bad.  This secret was totally the opposite, but it wasn't a planned secret like a surprise birthday party or something.   I was completely, utterly, entirely shocked and surprised when those two little lines appeared.  Flutters of emotions filled me.  Obviously shock was one of them... Then fear and uncertainty followed by excitement and joy.  We were having a baby!  Oh my goodness!  Isn't this what I've always dreamed about?  Yes.  Then why can't I talk about it?  Why can't I even say the word?

My mail order birth control that had steadily come every three months for three years had abruptly stopped, even after I'd just renewed it.  Since I was coming off an 11 day business trip followed by my brother's wedding in California, I was irresponsible and neglected to call to see what was going on until we got back from our trip.  I thought it wouldn't matter since my husband was a field traveler and with all our combined travel, there really wasn't much time for stuff to happen...  Wrong.

"I don't think you're pregnant," David said as he stood in the bathroom looking at the test for me (because I was too in shock to even look at it).  "The plus sign is very faint."

The "plus" sign?!

I went back to the store and bought three more tests.  Tests with lines this time.  Each one confirmed two lines.  Pregnant.  And I couldn't even say the word.

It wasn't because I was upset.  It wasn't because I was unhappy.  I truly just did not know why this happened-- right now.  Yes, I knew HOW it happened :) but the why I was still uncertain of.  All our friends and family knew we were not in the baby ready phase.  Sure, if David had approached me with an earnest desire to start a family I would have jumped at the thought and obliged happily...  However, this wasn't the case.  We had a plan, a schedule-- a direction we were moving in.  A baby was not in those plans for at least another year.  I felt like I was sitting on a huge secret and I couldn't begin to talk about it, let alone blog about it.  What would I say?  Thoughts of working vs. staying at home, our plans of a spring trip to Europe, our five year anniversary (it's in our VOWS we would wait five years!!!) and our happy-as-it-is-right-now marriage flooded my heart and mind.  When you talk about having a baby, aren't you supposed to be crazy happy, excited, planning the nursery, picking out names and filling a registry?  I already felt like a bad mother since I could hardly whisper the words...  I'm pregnant.  We're going to have a baby.

David and I decided to wait to tell friends and my work until after the three month mark.  This also would allow us some time to think about what we wanted to do when it came to my job.   We called our parents and siblings and of course I told Krista and a few other people ahead of time.  Everyone was thrilled for us.  It made it easier to feel like it was real talking about it with the people close to us.  Our secret began feeling more and more like a treasure even though I didn't feel any different (thankfully!) and didn't look any different either.

It was just before our four-year anniversary trip to the Grand Canyon when the three month mark hit.  I was nervous to tell my boss since I was so uncertain about what I wanted to do with work once the baby arrived. Being the first woman to go through this in our company, I didn't have any previous steps to follow, but they were so gracious towards me when they heard the news.  I was told to just wait and think about it, they didn't need to know what my post-baby work plans were immediately.  Thank you whispered from my heart to heaven as I remembered everything is safe.

Every morning as my belly grew I lifted the little gift growing inside of me up to Him.  Suddenly I found myself surprised not because I was carrying this precious little one but because of how much I loved this baby.  My heart was already so full with having an amazing husband, family, friends and church... But somehow God had opened my heart to make room for this humongous growing love for someone I hadn't even met yet.  Still haven't met, actually.  6 more weeks :).  It still amazes me how quickly this secret-turned-treasure-turned-LOVE has manifested. 

I tell this story cautiously, because I never want my little girl to look back and wonder if I wanted her.  I've always wanted her, even from when I was 5 years old playing with my dolls.  I just had no idea God wanted her to come now.  It's also why I've taken a break from blogging...  I couldn't write without talking about how my heart feels about this gift I've been given and the emotions I've had along the way. 

Some things are just in His timing always.  I had called the birth control company right when we got home from California, and a day after I found out I was pregnant, the missing birth control showed up in the mail.  A week later, I received a letter from the birth control company advising the pills they had been sending were in the wrong order... And I may be pregnant.  I laughed and thought, I definitely am and wow, it probably would have happened anyway!  God wants this little girl here right now... And so do I.

We can't wait to meet you Maya.  We are filled with joy just at the thought.

Everything is Sacred

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"One of the greatest hindrances to internal peace which the Christian encounters is the common habit of dividing our lives into two areas, the sacred and the secular... our inner lives tend to break up so that we live a divided instead of a unified life."  (p65, The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer).

Have you ever had "church friends" and "work friends"?

Or when you were in school, had "school friends" and "church friends"?

It was always hard for me to mix the two.  I always had a birthday party with either my "school" or "church" or when I started sports "swimming" friends growing up.  Never mix.  It didn't work.



Once I got into college, I began blending the worlds.  It was impossible not to because suddenly I had no "church" friends in Florida since I just moved there.  My world was the swimming world but I invited my "swimming" friends to come to church.  Suddenly I just had friends.  No distinction of the two.

Weekend rolls around.  I go out to the Late Night Library (library, haha) with the gals and have fun at a party down the street.  I don't drink, although I don't think there's anything wrong with alcohol (those of you who saw my wine rack know I have nothing against alchohol!).  I go to church.  Bible study.  Maybe friends come. Maybe they don't.  Amy always comes, drives me every Sunday.  I'm so grateful for her, my bosom friend and taste of heaven.  Then Monday comes and it's back to the books and swim practice and hanging out.

"Over against these sacred acts (going to church, bible study, etc...) are the secular ones.  They include all of the ordinary activities of life which we share with the sons and daughters of Adam: eating, sleeping, etc..." (p.65, Tozer).

My mom used to say that I could swim to the glory of God.  He made me good at swimming, so why not swim to his glory?  She said everything I did was an act of worship to Him.  As if sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner was making Him smile.  In my heart I knew she was right- but oh to live like this...

"This is the old sacred-secular antithesis.  Most Christians are caught in its trap,..  they cannot get a satisfactory adjustment between the claims of two worlds.  They try to walk the itght rope between two kingdoms and they find no piece in either" (p.65-66, Tozer).

Everything is sacred.

Everything. Is. Sacred.

Everything is a gift.  We are made to worship the one who loves and knows us unlike anyone else.  Who made us for his glory.  In and for all things.  We are his delight. 

Everything is sacred.

The dishes in the sink?  Wash 'em up.

Everything is sacred.

Laundry piles and an unmade bed?  Get going and clean up.

Everything is sacred.

Job calling you to work rather than facebook?  Stop wasting time and move!

Everything is sacred.

"Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God the Father through Him." ~Colossians 3:17

Thank You Lord.

Everything is sacred. :)

Everything is Safe

"Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed" (pg. 20, The Pursuit of God; A.W. Tozer).



This is what resonated with me throughout Tozer's book.  Commit it to him.  Everything is safe when we commit it to the Lord.  My job?  Safe.  My desire for kids?  Safe.  My sister's surgery?  Safe.  Our life in Oregon?  Safe.  The weather?  SAFE!!!  Everything is safe when we commit it to him.  Oh why is it so hard to remember this? 

You want peace?

Commit it to Him.  Everything is safe.

You need rest?

Commit it to Him.  Everything is safe.

You need contentment?

Commit it to Him.  Everything is safe.

"God is here.  Wherever we are, God is here.  There is no place, there can be no place, where He is not" (p. 36, Tozer).

He's everywhere.  He knows everything.  He's here when we are completely unaware of it and the whole "universe is alive with His life" (p.41).  So why is it so hard to commit it to Him?

Everything is safe when we commit it to Him. 

Everything. Is. Safe.

Every time, all the time.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:7

Commit it to Him.  Everything is safe. :)

If I'm Honest....

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I have totally fell off the band wagon.

I ate pizza tonight from Costco (sooooo good, but soooooo processed and un-natural).  I haven't planned a meal in weeks.  I made chicken drumsticks when a our group from church came over and it was an epic slimy fail (buffalo wings are supposed to be crispy, not gooey).  Our bedroom is a MESS.  I mean, a complete HOT MESS.  It really is.  I haven't vacuumed it in... Um, okay so I'm being honest which means I can't remember!  David said he found a hairball (my hair, clumping up on the carpet because I haven't vacuumed in forever).  The laundry is like halfway up the side of the wall and creeping towards the ceiling and our bathroom is disgusting.  I haven't spent time in God's word... Opening the word to read a few sentences so I don't feel guilty about not following through on my goal is legalistic and no where near what the goal intended to accomplish.  I haven't even started the last hot spot of project simplify (which now I have realized after writing all this that it should be my bedroom because of all these piles and hairballs).  What is wrong with me?!

Lately I've been making excuses for myself.  I'm so busy with work, I'll tell myself.  Or, I'm just so dang tired, besides I went to the gym so at least I did something good for myself!  Or my personal favorite-- I've worked hard all day the last thing I need is to come home and do all this house junk!  House junk?  Who even talks like that anyway?!

*Sigh.*

Last weekend my most favorite realtor in the world and friend had free tickets to go see Dave Ramsey.  I have read about him on all the mom and christian blogs, my parents looooove him and ever since we moved up here from CA all I'd see at the churches we visited were his Financial Peace University advertisements.  I was skeptical, because what could this guy possibly have to say that I didn't know already or that would change the way I think.  My parents raised me with good financial values and dispositions towards generosity and giving, however I know this is an area for improvement in my life.  It is one I think of all the time actually.  So I thanked her for the tickets and we were on our way to see the financial guru of the century, Dave Ramsey.

I am now a die hard fan.  I want to read his book.  I won't enroll in his Financial Peace classes, however, I am a believer that he truly is honest about who he is and what he's trying to do.  We didn't stay for the whole thing.  But one thing stood out to me:

As Christians, we should aim for excellence in every area of our lives.

Every area?!  You saw my first paragraph.  I am a hot mess with laundry creeping up the walls to the ceiling.  This is not excellence.

I have fallen off the band wagon...  Time to get back on the horse.  Excellence, Rachel.  Not perfection.  Just excellence.  You are better than that hairball on the carpet. :)  Come on girl, you got this!

Transition of Rest

Photo by Michelle Marie

Transition(s).  Bridging the gap between experience and what we don't know yet.

It's a verb I know all too well.  It's a noun I actually welcome.  It's a lifestyle I've lived for over 10 years. 

And now I am resting.

I went to WCC's Adorn Event tonight where the recently retired Dean of Students at Multnomah Seminary spoke to us about transitions throughout the seasons of life.  She's been a counselor, a pastor's wife, a professor, a dean, a mom, a wife, you name it!  She's recently retired, so she's going through her own transition currently.  Can I just say what wise, Godly, simple advice she bestowed on all us gals.  I am so blessed to call WCC my home. :)

There were single, married, divorced, remarried, retired, unemployed, working, mothers, wives-- every kind of woman there could be-- was present.  There weren't a gazillion of us either.  Maybe 40 total or so.  All at different stages of life, all navigating through or resting from some kind of transition in one way or another. 

The only thing we can be certain of (besides our heavenly father) is that life. Will. Change.

As we were nibbling on cheesecake and sipping tea (us girls just never do get away from tea parties, do we?!) our small table of girls shared and chatted about our own transitions throughout the past few years.  Our table happened to be mostly gals in their mid 20's, and it was interesting to see how normal change was for all of us.  Maybe it's a generational thing, maybe not, but interesting to say the least.  As I reflected on my own transitions, I was kind of surprised to think about how much change I have experienced over the last decade, especially how many times I've moved!

• Went to college in Washington (1)
• Moved to Florida to finish out school (2)
• Graduated from college which brought about a move from Florida back home to California (3)
• Got a graduate degree.
• Got my own apartment, first time living by myself (4)
• Got a new job.
• Fell in love and got married.  Moved in with my new husband (5)
• Got a new job.
• Moved to Washington (6)
• Got another new job.
• Moved to Oregon (7)

In the past 10 years I have moved 7 times.  Yikes!  I don't know about you, but I feel like that's a lot of transitioning, just in changing where you lay your head at night!  Not to mention starting new jobs and getting married.  And sometimes I think I want to have a baby soon?! 

Rest.  Just rest.  In Me. 

I hear God's voice tugging at my heart.  No, I've never heard it in an audible tone.  But I hear him just the same. 

Rest, Rachel.  Rest in Me.  In My timing.  In My plan.  In My sequence.  Root yourself in ME.

So how can us gals navigate through the transitions we face and rest in God's purpose?  I am by no means an expert on this.  These were just a few things I learned by listening to this woman's "wow" advice.

Your circumstances may be changing, but you are still YOU.

The toughest transition I've endured was moving to Oregon.  Leaving behind my friends, family, sunshine, and work weren't easy.  I was thrilled at the adventure ahead of us, but as soon as I was cooped up in the dim walls of our apartment I began romanticizing about our life in California and missing it.  I dwelled on my unemployment and my lack of network, friends and church.  I missed my mom and sister.  I missed my bestie Michelle.  I missed going for runs in the sun.  What I failed to realize was I hadn't changed one bit- my circumstances and scenery certainly had, but not me.  I got off my butt and went out for coffee with new friends.  I interviewed for work.  I learned that I love to cook.  I looked through the litteral rain and spotted blue sky.  It's true there is blue sky in Oregon every day- but you have to look for it!

Recognize what's normal and anticipate what's coming.

It's normal to feel homesick during  a transition, but are you making yourself ready to grab onto the new opportunities ahead of you?!  If you see a change coming, what can you do to make yourself prepared?  In my own experience, being aware that I was walking into a Field Traveler's Wife situation made it easier to know what to expect.  The other FTW's told me it would be hard.  They advised I would miss my husband with him being gone so much.  I would be desperate to go out when he got home but he'd probably want to stay in.  I'd love house hunting.  I'd love him coming home.  When these things actually did happen, it was normal for me to feel the way I did.  Even though it was sometimes sticky mitigating through those feelings, I was aware I was not alone.  That in and of itself was a blessing!

Decide what and who you need to say good-bye to and do it intentionally.  Then-- let go.

Saying good-bye doesn't mean you have to forget.  It doesn't have to mean the friendship is over or the memory is gone.   I hate good-byes.  My freshman year in college my mom wrote me a letter and put it in my hand as she hugged me before she left me at the Regents dorm at WSU.  My eyes welled with tears as I read the first line, "Today is the first of a lifetime of good-byes..."  It is so true.  We will constantly say good-bye to people, things and places and hello to new friends, keepsakes and experiences.  Give yourself intentional time to grieve and process, to say good-bye.  Then chin up and let go to allow yourself to let in what God has made room in your life for.

I am in a season of life where I don't expect much change in the very near future (well, at least for another year).  I am in a season of rest.  It is odd to be at this place and know I am here.  Indefinitely.  It's hard for me to rest.  I'm just like my mother; I want a new horizon or a project or an exciting transition.  Yet God is allowing me rest, because the next transition we'll walk through will be one that will change our lives forever.  Kids will do that to you, so I better enjoy this rest before that time is upon us. :)

How do you navigate the transitions throughout the seasons of your life?

Reedeeming Love

Last week I travelled to Long Beach, California (my old stomping grounds!) for work.  Before I left, one of my friends Kylee let me borrow an incredible book: Reedeeming Love by Francine Rivers.  Maybe you've read it, or at least heard of it.  It's my mom's favorite book, but for some reason I had never even thought to pick up a copy.  I figured a work trip would be a good place to start since I had a couple hours to kill anyway while on the plane.

I started reading once I was on the plane, a quick ride down to LB from PDX.  The flight wasn't long enough.  The minute I started reading about Sarah/Angel/Tirzah/Amanda I was captivated by the story of this woman.  She was classy (can you even use that word to describe a prostitute?!) yet pathetic.  She was smart yet stupid.  She was being pursued by the most perfect man ever, and she rejected his love over and over again.  I kept thinking how lucky she was to be loved by this man; she didn't deserve him!  After thinking such a thought shame rushed over me.  I certainly don't deserver God's love and sacrafice-- how many times have I rejected his love, command or voice?  How lucky am I to have a God who loves me like Michael loves Sarah!  A Lord who pursues my heart and takes me back overlooking my filth and sin, who is waiting for my whole heart and craves all of me.  This love story is our love story with our Lord and savior Jesus.  The lover of my soul!  I am so undeserving!  And yet he pursues me still.

Going into it, I knew the storyline of Reedeeming Love was the story of Hosea-- his love for Gomer and God's love for us.  I couldn't read fast enough; I brought it with me to the conference and read on my lunch break and every chance I got when we weren't out with work engagements.  I finished it at 2 a.m. the night before I returned to Portland.  I read Hosea on the plane ride home.  I couldn't get enough of the love story; its story belongs to each of us: God's pain and remorse when we tear away from him, and his abundant grace, love, and mercy he washes over us when we return to him.  How gracious of a God we serve.

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realize just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh

Oh how He loves us,

How He loves us all

And we are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,

When I think about, the way…

That He loves us,

Oh how He loves us........

~David Crowder Band, "How He Loves" 

Oh James...

Tonight's dinner consisted of peanut butter and jelly and goldfish.  I am actually eating the peanut butter and jelly right now.  I guess this is one benefit of being a field traveler's wife...  No endless planning of meals.  Sometimes I wish I had to plan meals, that I had someone to cook for.  I'm sure one day when I have kiddos I'll look back at this time and crave for a night to myself just eating pb&j. :)

Isn't it funny how we always want what we don't have, or wish for something different than our current disposition?  I find myself looking at facebook and looking at pictures of my friends and their families and think, wow...  That is going to be me someday.  Not that I want kids right now, but I do want them one day.  And since I like to know where my life is going and have a general plan for what's ahead, I find myself thinking about this a LOT.  It is strangely enticing to think about being a mother.  What does it feel like?  How will I handle it?  Will I have morning sickness?  Oh I won't be able to handle that.  What will being pregnant be like?  Will my body bounce back?  What if there's something wrong...  I really want to be a stay-at-home mom, but will we be able to afford it?  But I love my job... What will life look like in a couple of years?  How is this going to work out?!

All these questions and doubt race through my mind as I try to figure out the best possible time and way for this all to occur.  And then there's David, my gorgeous husband who also is a huge part of this entire equation.  What does he want?  We always said we'd wait five years.  That's still in the plan.  What if he doesn't want me to stay home?  Where will we be in the next couple years?  I hope we're still here!  Of course we'll still be here, he's not transferring twice in less than 5 years-- that's just not even in the realm of possibility.  Oh all these things are preoccupying my mind.  What is it going to be like...

Then I remember where to seek wisdom from.  In our women's bible study we've been studying James, who speaks specifically of wisdom:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.  But when asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." ~James 1:5-8

If that isn't plain enough for even me to understand!  How amazing is it that we have a God who loves his children so much and gives them generous gifts when they ask and believe they will receive!  Now I know this doesn't mean he will give me everything I ask for as long as I believe; but I do know that he works together for the good of those who love him, who he called according to his purpose.  He loves us, and he wants his best for us.  He wants us to seek him out and include him in every decision we make as it impacts our future.  As Joy said at bible study last week, "there are NO no-brainers."  God should be a part of every decision!  When we submit to God and come near to him, he will come near to us.  His word promises it. I don't have to worry or fret about how having kids is going to work out or what our life will look like at that time.  I need to ask that God would give both David and me Godly wisdom as we live out our adventure.  I seriously have no idea how God is going to bring motherhood and the workforce and all that comes with that, but I trust that in his perfect plan he will work it out-- if we seek his wisdom and ask him into our decisions.  It is unnatural for me not to want to plan it out.  But as James says, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  you are  a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" (James 4:14-15).  'Nough said!